Perfect Day Off

Returning to work in retail has been so wonderful for me, hard on my body but honestly, I’ve felt so much better about myself lately!

My calves are aching all the time, the bottom of my feet feel bruised, but I don’t hate going to work. Which feels so good! That being said, working retail during the holidays is less than fun most days.

People forget themselves, they forget their manners and they forget to be patient. But it’s alright, as long as you don’t work too long.

I worked 6 days straight. My body was screaming, but I packed a bag and went to Pole class after work and it was glorious! I finally executed a nemesis move, The Mermaid, which everyone else can do (it’s a Level 1 basic move and I’ve hated it always) and now I CAN TOO! I came home, took a bath and cuddled with Puppy.

Then this morning, sleeping past the alarm and relaxing most of the morning, lovely. But I had to get something done, so I BAKED!

I made my Grandma’s Cowboy Cookies, the ones she would make every Christmas when I was little.

I remember watching her make them when I was small, then helping when I was older. No one in the family remembers why they are called Cowboy Cookies, but that’s what they are called and they are absolutely some of the best chocolate chip cookies ever!

Sorry, but I won’t post the recipe, it’s too special to me. I’m sure you have special recipes from your family or friends that remind you of specific moments in your life; that’s what these treats are for me. Memories.

I give them to my friends and neighbors, I used to take them to The Cubicle Farm (I’ve already been messaged by my former co-workers that they are missing the cookies this Christmas haha!) and I’ll be taking them to The Store tomorrow to share my tradition with my new co-workers.

I’ve baked and baked all day, now I sit on the couch with a Doctor Who Marathon on the TV and Puppy snuggled so close to me you’d think she’s a part of my pajama pants. She even has her tiny paw draped over my leg onto the computer, like she wants me to hurry up and finish so she can get more cuddles!

I’d better comply, Puppy’s cuteness is starting to overwhelm me. 🙂


Surprise Guest!

I got the weirdest message from an old OOOOLD friend of mine, via Facebook. Apparently she’s been in a bit of a crisis lately.

She was a good friend to me when I was young, at least that’s what I remember, she apologized profusely for treating me poorly but I have ZERO clue as to what she’s talking about and told her as much.

Anyway, she went on and on, and randomly asked me if she could come stay with me. Have a visit. Ummmm SURE! I haven’t seen you in over 20 years but yeah, come on down! Even she agreed that it’s weird, but frankly, I know this girl. I mean, we haven’t spoken in forever, but when someone is close to you when you’re young; it always feels like you’re one conversation away from giggle-fests and slumber parties!

She also told me something that was really shocking. She said that my Pole stories and videos, etc had been inspiring her to go out and try new things. MY POLE STUFF INSPIRED HER! Whaaaaa??? I was dumbfounded! But I think I get it, it’s refreshing to see someone who’s “old and fat” like I am being bold and confident. I know I’m not old and fat, but she and I are the same age, looking at 40 with a side-eye.

So yeah, I have to tell Boyfriend that we’re having a surprise guest during the 4th of July, I’m sure he won’t mind, but it’s still bizarre!

I came unglued my landlord

I didn’t realize the rent still hasn’t been paid. My fault.
But he called and actually said “I have my wife here angry at me and a dog that can’t eat because of this.”
The level of bullshit is ASTOUNDING. My landlord runs an industrial property rental company. There is NO WAY that what he said was true.
He said it because I’m a girl and he knew it would get a rise out of me.
Well he got it.
I got right up in his face and SCREAMED. I unleashed everything. The anecdote about finding my father’s corpse being the end of my crescendo, that was what really slammed his mouth shut.
How dare he say something like that to me? How dare he try and play upon emotions when he wouldn’t have DREAMED of doing that with any of the professional tenants they deal with.
His dad, my original landlord was beside himself trying to get us both to calm down. Ultimately though, old guy sided with ME.
Younger landlord did not realize that today of all days was not the day to try for a Drama Off with me.

Oops, I’m Older

Yesterday was my 38th birthday, I’m not scared of my age because I haven’t felt anything but 17 since I turned 17. Which is strange.

I’m still really excitable about stuff that isn’t necessarily “grown-up”; example? My friends and I (including Boyfriend) went to a major Theme Park for my birthday, we took pictures with characters, rode tons of rides and had a terrific time! Even though it was pissing rain for hours. It was great!

My friend, Pretty, made the day more and more special with little surprises here and there. It was super fun!

No, I didn’t get engaged, but that’s ok. I think it’s coming. I recall having a sleepy conversation with Boyfriend this morning about it, and he told me “When the time is right”…but what does that mean???

Sigh. I also told him to please not make me a 40 year old first time bride…I just don’t think my ego could take it.
He laughed…a little too hard.

The end, again?

Pretty has been ignoring a major problem. Her “friend” isn’t in love with her the way she wants him to be. The way she acts like he is.

She helps him take care of his kid, she gives him emotional support when he needs it, she’s his backbone and his “best friend” when he asks. And sometimes when he doesn’t. She’s been setting herself up for some time now.

He’s a chicken. He’s afraid to be in a relationship, and all the buzzword filled nonsense that boys use when they are fucking a girl they don’t have romantic feelings for and don’t intend to have a relationship with.

She claims they haven’t been sexually intimate for months. But she forgets there are other ways of being intimate with someone. When you need a hug and a cuddle and can only sleep when they are next to you in bed? That too is being intimate, it feeds that need for connection and it can be more dangerous than just being a “fuck buddy”.

This “friend” was supposed to go to a Halloween party with Pretty. He never showed. Instead, he sent her a picture of himself at a rave (of all things) with another girl up on his shoulders with the caption “Well this happened”. And THEN, when Pretty told him she was upset, he had the nerve to ask her “Why??”

WHY?????? I mean, REALLY????

Pretty handled herself, well, like Pretty does. By stifling it down for a day or two, then randomly trying to constructively have an adult conversation. But she isn’t coming unglued at him, because she doesn’t want to “add to his stress”. However, her blood is boiling! Her feelings are hurt! And I totally get that!

I told her “you are NOT a punching bag or a stress ball he can pick up when he needs to relive some tension! You have every right to be angry and to pop off at him!” But she’s afraid to.

I’m really seeing similarities between “friend” and Hat, her ex-husband. Both of them are younger than she is, significantly, both have made messes they are trying to clean up in their lives and are very selfish in that they got involved with her when they had no right to.

But the same goes for her. During the most recent conversation, he told her “You can see other people too, you know that, right?” COMPLETELY MISSING THE POINT that SHE DOESN’T WANT TO! She WANTS to be in an actual relationship with him, but he has told her “I can’t handle a relationship”; it wasn’t a challenge, it was the truth! He can’t! But she’s ignored it and still fell into it.

So now what? Is she just going to be content feeling broken and used and sorry for herself? Is that her life now?? I’m worried that’s what she thinks! I try and buck her up, I try and challenge her to think things through and for herself, but right now, it’s not working. I think all I can do is be mad at him for her and let her wallow for now.

Giving French Dude the boot

Last week, Boyfriend let me know that French Dude was going out of town for a few days. “HOORAY! We get our house to ourselves for a few days!” was my reply.
And it was glorious, so comfortable and easy. I loved every second of it.
Until Saturday, Boyfriend and I came home from the movies to find that French Dude was home and in the shower.

After his shower, standing in a towel, French Dude approached Boyfriend and they were chatting. I was in the kitchen, getting things together for another outing that Boyfriend and I were going on. When I heard Boyfriend raise his voice.
He never raises his voice.
“Wait, you took WHICH bag??? The leather one?!?!?!”
Now, Boyfriend has had this particular leather bag for 15 years, it was part of his graduation gift from the school he attended. This bag is an $800 bag. It’s a nice bag. When he was moving in, I went to swing it around or something and he stopped me in my tracks, explained how expensive and special this bag was and I immediately handed it to him because I didn’t want to ruin it.
French Dude had seen that bag, FULL OF STUFF MIND YOU, emptied it out (dumped everything on the floor) and took it as his own bag when he went out of town.

He never asked to use it. He never even hinted that he’d borrowed it. He had made the point to text Boyfriend to tell ME that he’d thrown out the Ant Bait that was in his room and closed the door so I wouldn’t have “anything to stress about”. (Ummm yeah, I told him 5 times to keep that door closed so Puppy couldn’t get in and mess with the ant bait since you know, it could kill her!! I had to go so far as to PUT A SIGN ON HIS DOOR for him to FINALLY start leaving it closed. Ugh, jerk.) But never did he mention that he’d taken the bag. If he had, Boyfriend would have told him to guard it with his life. Frankly, if he had ASKED Boyfriend would have told him NO YOU CAN’T USE IT, HERE’S 1871223 OTHER BAGS IN OUR HOUSE YOU CAN USE INSTEAD but no, French Dude saw that beautiful leather bag, thought it was “the perfect size” and took it.
And then, it got stolen from him because the dumbass put it into checked baggage at the bus terminal.
French Dude had the stones to say to Boyfriend, “yeah, the bag got stolen. But don’t worry, nothing of value of mine was in it. But yeah, that bag was yours.”

I almost exploded.

Boyfriend couldn’t even speak, he kept trying to walk away from French Dude, who kept chasing after him like a moron.
I started shrieking like a howler monkey. French Dude looked at us like we were turning purple with pink polka dots.
He kept saying, “Sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t know it would get stolen.”
I tried to hammer home, “Dude, YOU stole it FROM THIS HOUSE!”
He didn’t get it. He said “I didn’t know it had so much sentimental value.”
My voice got even more shrill, “IT HAD VALUE YOU JACKASS! IT WAS AN $800 BAG! And you didn’t even ASK if you could borrow it!!! That’s THEFT!”
It wasn’t until I started tabulating what he owned that would be equivalent to the dollar amount. His watch, his computer, BOTH of his suitcases (WHICH WHYYYYYYY DIDN’T HE TAKE ONE OF THE TWO SUITCASES HE OWNED?? Because THE LEATHER BAG WAS BETTER LOOKING, of course!) all the clothes, the shoes and all the cash in his wallet; and it still wouldn’t amount to what that bag was worth.
He still looked confused. I lost it.

I told him to get out. To get dressed, pack his things and leave.
He started to argue, “I need to make arrangements, I need time.”
I grabbed my phone and set the timer, “You have 10 minutes and then I’m going to start throwing your things out the front door.”
That seemed to wake him up.
He was still trying to follow Boyfriend around and appeal to him, but Boyfriend was too livid to even look at him.
I started throwing the food that he’d purchased into a bag, he told me “I don’t need it” I told him, “Then throw it away yourself, I want NOTHING of you in this house. You broke our trust, you stole from us. I NEVER want to be reminded of you.”
I took the terrible paintings he’d been working SO hard on, and piled them on top of his suitcases once he’d packed them and moved them into the living room. He said, “I can’t take those with me.” I told him, “Nobody here wants your terrible ‘art’.”
His hand was shaking when he handed me the key I’d made for him.
I was comprising an email to his mother, I did my best to keep my head, but I did tell her that we’d had so many problems with French Dude for so long, this theft was the last straw. We can tolerate a lot of things, but the blatant disregard for even the simplest amount of respect, NOT taking what ISN’T yours; it was too much and we couldn’t allow him in our house any longer, so at 10 days shy of him leaving the US and returning home, we had to boot him out.

When he handed me the key, I looked him straight in the face and said, “YOU did this. We trusted you and tried to help you, and you betrayed us. You better make DAMN sure your mother pays for that bag or I will have you arrested at the airport when you try to board your plane for home.”
And frankly, I intend to.
Boyfriend and I tried to find that bag again, it isn’t in production anymore. Which made it even worse for Boyfriend.
I found two other bags, ranging from $907 – $1,675 and sent the mother the link.
She’s agreed to pay, she’s actually tried to negotiate the price down, but Boyfriend is being adamant. He wants $1,000. I want $1,675, but it wasn’t MY bag French Dude stole.
OH AND I JUST FOUND THIS OUT, apparently Paypal has been taking $20 for conversion costs every month the mother has paid for French Dude’s rent, so WE’VE NEVER BEEN PAID THE FULL AMOUNT OF HIS RENT! Man, if Boyfriend weren’t insisting on the $1,000 I would be even more mad.

After French Dude left for the last time (I shut the door in his face after tossing a few things he’d left in the guest room on the ground at him, and told him, “NEVER come back here”) Boyfriend and I talked for a long time.
“THIS is what you were talking about the whole time.” he said to me, shaking his head.
I tried really hard not to say “I TOLD YOU SO” instead, I opted for “I’m sorry babe, I tried to tell you.”
I felt relief knowing I’d never have to see French Dude again. Boyfriend probably will feel some relief when/if the mother pays.
Boyfriend also waxed nostalgic about his own life, how his mom had to bail him out more than a couple times and how it really helped “kick him in the ass” and get himself together. My parents have had to do that for me too, it’s all a part of growing up.


Update: She paid.
Now I feel better. Boyfriend can get a bag that’s close to the one that was stolen, but it won’t be the same. And it will break his heart every time he thinks about it.
After Boyfriend got the alert that French Dude’s mom had paid the full amount; he called his own mom and thanked her for all she’d done for him. Bailing him out and making him learn the lessons he needed to learn.
And yeah, I might have fallen in love with him even more than I already am.
I think I won’t fully relax until it’s past the date that French Dude departs the country. I’m not scared of retaliation, really. But I know I’ll feel better when I know he’s not anywhere near me, Boyfriend or our home.

I might be a masochist.

So I might be a masochist.

Boyfriend and I talked some more yesterday afternoon while we watched Puppy play in the dog park. He agreed that French Dude has been disrespectful to both of us. By picking fights and disrespecting me, he’s disrespecting Boyfriend and the whole house and has been more trouble than he’s worth. So he agreed to back me 100%. When we got home, he talked to French Dude alone (and said some pretty awesome stuff, I eavesdropped. I COULDN’T HELP IT!) and French Dude begged for another chance to apologize to me.
I laid it all out, told him I have no more patience. He gave me empty apologies, I called him on them because I have heard them before. I told him I know he thinks he’s blameless, but the fact is HE has created this WHOLE problem. And HE has been doing irresponsible and inconsiderate things for months with zero regard for any consequence. 

He kept trying to bargain, talking about us needing to give him 30 days. I told him, I know more about the rental laws than you do, you get squat. He kept asking how much time? How much time? I said “you should have been OUT of here already. Instead, you sat around, smoking and painting all day. You have no concept of how serious a situation you have created. ” I told him “I gave you carte blanche after EVERY incident. You learned nothing. You went RIGHT back to your behaviors, even getting worse. I have no sympathy left for you. I’ve turned it off”.

I also told French Dude that whatever shred of respect I had for him as a human being was completely demolished when I heard what he had done with his “fat girlfriend”. That he disgusts me and how dare he treat anyone like that, especially in MY house on MY bed (my old bed is in the guestroom). He tried to say he has feelings for her, I shut him up and called bullshit.

At the end, I looked at Chef Boyfriend and said, I’m sorry. I know you don’t want to be a dick, but I cannot take it anymore. This was supposed to be an easy summer and it’s been awful.” So Boyfriend looked at French Dude and said, “OK. You heard it.”
I left the patio, got in the shower and started to cry. Because I’m just emotionally wrecked. Boyfriend came in and got in with me (which is rare because he’s so tall and I’m so short, mutual showers are kind of a comedy routine) and lightly chastised me for crying. Saying I did what was right and that he supports me 100%.

In the shower. I looked at Chef Boyfriend and said “should I let him stay?” He said “the week? That’s fair” and I sighed and said, “No. The duration. It’s not HIS money he’d be spending, it’s his grandmother’s and mother’s money. It’s not fair to THEM.” He told me he’d support me no matter what, he also told me how I handled myself during the discussion was sexy which made me laugh and question his sanity.  Then he told me to make French Dude sweat and stress about it as long as possible.

I waited 15 minutes or so. Enough to let him really worry, then knocked on his door. He came out and I said “God help me, do NOT make me regret this. But you can stay until the end of August”  French Dude looked like I’d just saved his life. He kept thanking me profusely. I told him “I’m not doing this for you. Don’t thank me. Thank your mother and your grandmother. THEY don’t deserve to have to spend even more of their loan money on you because you can’t get a grip.” He looked like he had JUST realized that was what he was doing, abusing THEIR funds. That his behavior reflected on them.  After he kept thanking me and I kept telling him “don’t. If something happens, there will be NO discussion. You’ll pack your things and hand over your key and you’ll leave. End of. ” He “promised” this and that. I told him “You don’t have to impress me or make new rules, you just have to be a considerate human being!”

Then Boyfriend did the sexiest thing. He looked at French Dude all serious and said, “Look, I could give a shit about possessions. Don’t break stuff, obviously. But if you hurt my girlfriend or my dog? I’ll hunt you down in whatever country you’re in, cut off your balls and make you eat them.” He kinda softened it with a chuckle, but the two of them had a moment where the seriousness came through.

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes, it was such a protective and sexist thing to do; but I can appreciate him doing it in front of me. Making it abundantly clear that French Dude is not to mess with me, or Puppy in any vindictive attempt at retaliation.

So yeah. We’ll see how it goes. But now French Dude knows, unequivocally, Boyfriend and I are on the same side and he’d better shape up or get out.