Ok. Boyfriend and I talked some more later that week.
At the end, he stated “Marriage changes everything. I made the mistake and was pushed into marriage once, I’m not doing it again.” And “I need to be ready and I don’t feel ready. But I will let you know when I am.”
I countered the first by saying “And is ALL change bad?”
“If you cut your hand on your knife, do you never touch that knife again? Or do you learn and change the way you cut?”
And finally “When though? Can you tell me what you need to make you sure? There are no guarantees in life, but it doesn’t stop you from living it.”
Then I went in for the big one, I looked him right in the face and asked “Can you live without me?”
“Do you want to?”
“Ok so ask me the same questions.”
“Why don’t you just answer them yourself?”
“Because you need to ask them to really hear the answer.”
And of course I answered Yes and No, the same as he did.
Then I took a beat. Looked him right in the eye and asked “What more do you need, babe? Really. What more?”
And he got this look in his eye like he might tear up. So I hugged him and went to class.
I don’t know if it’s really progress or what, but it felt like a bit more progress.