Still not engaged.

Yeah. Boyfriend didn’t take the bait and propose.

I actually was expecting it. I have to be honest. Because of the conversation we had last year where he said “I’d like to be engaged within a year” and I marked it on a calendar because that was the most amazing thing I’d ever heard since “YOU’VE WON FREE MONEY” and during our trip, that date fell right in the middle. I think I actually had my hopes up that I’d come home with a romantic story to make everyone cry and a shiny little something on my left hand.

Nope. And I wish I hadn’t gotten my own hopes up about it.

My Mom took advantage of my being within her 5 foot radius and took me to the local Bridal Shop to try on dresses “just to see what looks good” on me. Since The Conversation last year, she and I have been PINNING LIKE CRAZY on my “Super Secret Pinterest Board”, all types of ideas, mainly dresses, but we weren’t sure what would look good. I know what I like but I don’t know what would flatter me.

So yeah, I kind of set myself up for a little disappointment. It’s my fault, not Boyfriend.

It doesn’t help things that I’m experiencing a bit of Vacation/Mom withdrawal. Getting to spend so much time with her was wonderful, and addicting! She and my StepDad are such a perfect couple, they even bicker like Boyfriend and I do. It just solidifies that I’m definitely supposed to marry Boyfriend when I see/hear my Mom and her husband interact. We came back home Thursday, and I was fine. Until yesterday.

I felt off. Could barely get motivated to do anything I’d planned on doing during my day off. And when Boyfriend came home from work, I laid my head on his lap for about 20 minutes. He kept asking me what was wrong, and I couldn’t say any more than “I just don’t feel like myself today”. That’s all I could describe. My everystuff felt gray.

I try not to let those types of feelings overwhelm me, and I wasn’t “overwhelmed”, I just really didn’t feel like me.

I feel better today. But it’s a Monday, and it’s hard to know what to feel at all on a Monday in the first place.


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