2 1/2 months or I would be a terrible Mother

Saturday I got into another fight with French Dude.

He smokes weed in my house, which makes me angry, he rolls his own blunts and cuts it with his Marlboro red cigarette tobacco and it STINKS. I’ve told him I hate it and to stop. He doesn’t listen. Saturday night, I had another talk with him that escalated into me screaming my guts out. Eventually he agreed not to smoke in my house anymore at all. But I hatethat I had to threaten to tell his mother amongst other things in order for him to comply with my request!

Sunday was another one. I was sitting in the living room and French Dude was making himself some pasta in the kitchen. I noticed he placed the hot sauce pan, with the handle pointed out, on the space of metal between the two sinks across from the stove top. I asked him, “Please don’t put the pot there, ok?” and instead of asking me “Why” or asking what my concern was, he said “It’s built for that, it’s melting point is high, it’s fine.”

…Ok, that’s not what I was concerned about. And I said, “Dude, that’s not why” and he kept going on about how it was fine and under control and he does this all the time. I had to get up from the couch and walk over and try and talk to him about it. He started in. Telling me that it was fine and he just wanted to make his pasta in peace and not have drama.

Well, that did not go over well with me. I started screaming and cursing him out. How disrespectful he was, how dismissive he was and how dare he not listen to me about my own pots and pans in my own kitchen. How much I hated him him, how stupid he was, how much I can’t wait until he’s gone and I wish he would leave RIGHT NOW.

He tried to go sit on the couch and eat. I could barely see straight, I was so angry. I told him to “Get the F*CK up and get out” of the living room and that I didn’t want him anywhere around me. Naturally he was mad too and slammed his bedroom door.

I called Boyfriend and demanded he get home THIS INSTANT and luckily he was coming up the walk. But I hung up on him. I was so angry I was shaking and slamming the dishes and cupboards.

When Boyfriend tried to find out what happened from me, French Dude came out of his room and went to the patio to have a cigarette and obnoxiously retort everything I was saying. Which only made me angrier!Every time I’d get to a calmer place and be making a point, French Dude would interject and off my rage would go again, screaming louder than before. Boyfriend was intensely unhappy with me about that. He hatesyelling.

It doesn’t help that my yelling voice rivals only the screeching of a Howler Monkey in battle.

Eventually, with Boyfriend’s help. I think I was able to get through to French Dude, yet again. But this isn’t the first time. He dismisses me, I get raging mad and we talk about it or we all talk about it and it’s ok again.

But the times are getting shorter. It’s not taking me as long to go into my fury and that scares me. My fuse is so short with French Dude now. It’s making me miserable! I live for the times where he’s not in my house! When he goes to the pool or on dates with his new Chola Girlfriend (who’s really nice, but dude…so Chola), I get so happy that I can live in my house the way I want to live in my house. And yes, that means just being comfortable walking around MY OWN HOUSE. NOT EVEN NAKED, just walking around!!

So yeah, I’ve got 2 1/2 months to go before his French butt is out of my world forever. But this experience makes me question my ability to be a good mother! If I can’t handle a 23 year old French Dude, how am I supposed to handle a screaming 2 year old or a sullen 13 year old????

Ugggggggggggggh!

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