How to Poop in a Public Restroom

It’s happened to everyone.

You’re going about your day, not at home, when suddenly; Nature is not just calling but threatening a complete and utter bodily evacuation.

But what if you get embarrassed during your Gastrointestinal Evacuation?

Here’s some tips on using the facilities:

1. Pre-Flush: Buy yourself some *plop* (or worse) sound cover and give the toilet a flush. Then, you get some time to let fly whatever fresh hell is threatening to end you without the imagined judgmental face from the stall neighbor next door and the risk of the smell of your feces wafting about the room will be minimized. Nobody wants to smell your poop, not even you.

2. Reality: Realize that everybody poops. Granted, I know I’ve made a face at the private noises of my stall neighbor, but then quickly remembered that it’s just their body ridding itself naturally, just like mine does. Mine isn’t always pleasant either.

3. Give it time: Sometimes you have to repeat tip 1. Not everything is going to be at your will, poops come out when poops come out. Don’t force it and don’t stress about it, you’ll only make it worse on yourself. Now, don’t set up camp for an hour, but do give yourself an understandable amount of time. If someone has to come check on you, that’s too long.

4. Wash Your Hands: This is a “duh”. But seriously. ALWAYS. Even if you had ZERO production; if you just went in to check your shirt or makeup or bra-strap or to turn your shirt or underwear around because you accidentally put it on upside down and backwards. WASH YOUR HANDS.

5. Wipe the counter down: If the restroom you’re in has paper towels, please please PLEASE be the kind of person who wipes down the counter for the next one. It’s quite annoying to be leaning over the counter to wash your hands and suddenly realizing that the person before you MUST have been washing a cat or small child or octopus in the sink and has managed to create a bog of water in between that small space of counter and sink. Walking out of the facilities with a giant wet spot on your shirt or dress can ruin a person’s WHOLE day. That person could be working on the cure for the common cold, but because YOU didn’t wipe down the counter, their shirt is soaked and they no longer want to help the human race.


So there are some pretty decent tips on how to Poop/Pee/Use a Public Restroom. I think these should be posted on every public restroom across the world in every language and include pictures, but hey. That’s just me. 🙂


2 thoughts on “How to Poop in a Public Restroom

  1. Pingback: The Importance of Pooping With the Door Open | Robot Butt

  2. Pingback: Monday Morning Coffee: Embarrassing Poop Story | Wordsmithing Ain't Easy

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