The word of the day is Discouraged.
All day I’ve felt “off”, cried at work, at home, and then at Pole Dance Class.
Work just felt underwhelming, and I had to jump through some hoops for nothing. I wound up crying out of frustration.
At home *TMI ALERT*, Boyfriend was feeling amorous and in the midst of inflagrante heterosis…I moved wrong and wound up *ahem* slightly bending something a direction it shouldn’t have bent? Which promptly took ME out of the mood, Boyfriend claimed he was fine and not to worry about it and lets go again! But I was ruined. Besides, I needed to get ready for class. My final chance of the day to set things right and feel like myself.
But that was a fiasco too! No matter what, I just couldn’t land anything or hold anything. Even stuff during the warm up! I couldn’t hold positions, I couldn’t stretch as far. I felt myself getting frustrated.
Then it came to practice, we were instructed to alternate spins with our partner.
I thought I would be fine, I have my wheelhouse spins but when I went to execute them, my hands would slip or my skin would burn on the pole. No matter how much I cleaned the pole or used anti-sweat gel on my hands, it was like the pole was rejecting me.
I started to cry, but thankfully with the lights low for practice, I don’t think anyone could really tell. For the first time in my LIFE, I was crying silently.
I did my best to pull myself together and get my Resolve Face on. I know these moves, I own them. But nothing I was doing was working. I even flung myself knees first to the floor on accident because I was so hell-bent on nailing that particular landing move.
After I came crashing down, that caused some concern from my fellow dancers. But with a ready quip of “I’m ok, I just landed on my pride” I managed to wave off any further attention.
But there I was, crying like a dumb dumb. Burying my face in my sweat towel, trying to disguise my disappointment at my utter failure at everything.
I got home, tears still streaming down. Boyfriend was walking Puppy, and when she saw me she bolted for me, which was adorable. She licked my face, delighted in cleaning off my tears I’m sure. Boyfriend did his best to console me, but what I needed was a hot shower and to go directly to bed and end this bullsh*t day.