I haven’t spoken to my He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named Ex in a long time. I’m very happy with that.
It doesn’t stop him from invading my dreams and giving me the most emotional nightmares. Every time, I wake up sobbing because I hate the dream, I hate the situation in the dream, I hate that I can’t shake it off, and I hate hate hate that anything about HWMNBN affected me.
Once again, the invasion began, and it really is cheating to invade dreams, ya know!! I woke up feeling helpless, angry, frustrated, disgusted and devastated because while HWMNBN is always the same, he’s never going to change; I am the one in the dream that is fighting like crazy to stop him from doing what he does best; mess with people.
In my dreams, I’m screaming, shaking, desperate for someone to listen to me, to see reason; to see my side without having to experience the emotional hurricane that is HWMNBN. It’s just what he does. He’s a self-proclaimed Master Manipulator, he prides himself on this! He likes to say that he can convince anyone to do anything he wants. It’s absolutely NOT TRUE, but still no less despicable a personality trait.
So last night, I woke up in distress and found Boyfriend hovering above me. He had just come home from work, Puppy was apoplectic with joy to see her “Daddy” and there I was, bawling my face off and worse? Unable to communicate the why!! I tried to explain what my dream was about, and it sounded foreign. Like trying to speak a different language but you’ve never heard the language spoken before. It didn’t make any sense, and my sweet sweet Boyfriend merely chuckled softly, cooed his apologies for my having had a “bad dream” and gave me a short comfort massage until he thought I’d fallen back to sleep.
I hadn’t. I was still trying to sort out my dream. A friend of mine told me “when thoughts of HWMNBN and his ilk creep in, wrap them in imaginary pink bubble wrap and send them floating into the sky!” and using that visual image helped a lot at first! But when I wake up from a dream that is so confusing and frustrating, forcing myself to “wrap them in pink bubble wrap” is hard.
Getting up this morning was difficult, I found myself just wanting to curl up with Puppy and Boyfriend and mentally wrap us all in bubble wrap and lock the world out, just for a few more hours.