After a short but panicked text from Pretty “Hat knows I’m leaving him”, my Defender side kicked into high gear and I shouted at Boyfriend “Honey? We have to put pants on!” “I really want to kick this guys’ ass!!” grumbled Boyfriend, “He’s making me put on pants!!”
We’d been enjoying our “last” Naked Day (where we can walk around the house as naked as we like) for a while, when the inevitable happened. Pretty made it clear that Hat knew and was not taking it well.
Understatement. Apparently the big trouble had started the night before, but it was so late that Pretty just decided it was easier to check into a Motel 6 than wake us up and sleep in our guest room two nights early. Bless her. Hat started shrieking at her about how she’d unfriended all of “his” friends on Facebook (I know, right?? Gimme a break. She was just trying to make it easier on THEM, that way they won’t have to feel conflicted.), becoming completely unreasonable and unhinged. So no, she wasn’t staying there.
The next day, she had told Hat to meet her at the bank, when he showed she handed him a check for his half of the tax return and either had his name removed from the joint account or dissolved the joint account altogether. Ballsy move, and genius!!
Right there, in the parking lot, he came unhinged on her, AGAIN. Bringing up the Facebook thing (seriously, I want to smack him) and asking “What will they THINK?? How does it look??” …um, dude, they’ll think you’re a douche. The end!
Finally it came out that she wasn’t going to be living there anymore and that she wanted a divorce. I think he actually made her say the words. Like a challenge, if she couldn’t say it, she couldn’t do it. Buddy, she said it! He then started in about therapy and how they could go through his insurance (FIRST TIME HE’S ACTUALLY OFFERED TO ORGANIZE AND PUT FORTH EFFORT, PEOPLE!) and when she told him she’d been in therapy for a month, Hat lost his shit. I’m not certain exactly what he said to her, but it was enough to make her lose her hope of an “amicable” separation and divorce.
When she came to our house, she looked ok. She and I took 6 steps outside the door towards her car to bring in a load of stuff and she broke down. I stood there holding her, weeping into my shoulder for I don’t know how long. It was heart breaking. She couldn’t put it into words. It made me want to skin Hat alive, VERBALLY of course. I’m really not one for the physical violence, I swear!
After we unloaded and she was laying down on the guest bed. She recalled the past few encounters. Her face crumpled a couple times, but she held herself together. I made her a peanut butter and strawberry jam sandwich and insisted she nap. Which she did. Hard, and for several hours.
Did Hat try and reach out? I don’t know. I wanted to give her some time to decompress and relax. Something she hasn’t been able to do for some time in a safe space. It’s been awkward in her own home for over 8 months, Pretty is exhausted. She did tell me that she’d told him “I’m safe” on Wednesday when he’d texted her to find out where she’d gone. She had zero intention of telling him she was at the Motel 6 down the street from their apartment; and she had the same amount of intention in telling him she’s living with me and Boyfriend. I can understand and definitely respect that.
When she and I were talking before her nap, I told her that now that they have their own separate abodes, giving Couple’s Counseling a shot might not be the worst idea. At least that way they can say they did it and maybe maybe something might click in Hat’s head and he’ll realize how arrogant, self centered, selfish, short sighted a prick he’s really been.
But I’m not holding my breath.